Going Down and Out in Hammer Pants

Thoughts on

 

 

Okay, so now I want to see Hank in Hammer pants.  If he moves equally as well as he does in jeans, then I'd find that very moving to see.   

 

This was a mostly funny ep, with a kind of raw ending, one of those that made me all weepy inside.  Poor Hanky.  Really hurts, being fed a big ol' honking spoonful of his own medicine, doesn't it?  O-o-o-uch.   

 

Nevertheless, I started out cackling when Hank walked into the wrong room, looking for the source of the infernal howling, promising to make Jesus his personal savior, if they'd stop.  Snort.  I have to agree with Hank about the song, though.  I figure Madeline is probably a pretty fair singer, in reality, but was exaggerating her badness to give Hank something to make fun of, but man, that was awful.  The words, her rendition, presentation, all very yack-worthy.  Cool that she can play the guitar, though.  Kind of bland strumming, but it's more than I can do, and singing and playing simultaneously is something not everyone can do, so my kudos to her, woo!  I did find the words interesting, though, and so typically age-oriented.  Only a 17-year-old would pen something so sappy about love. 

 

"There's a place for us where love has no shame.  It's not about the years.  It's about the tears, and when I look for grace, your face is that plyah-yee-a-yee-ace." 

 

Ummm...

 

Methinks the little darling is confusing sex with love, and I guess when you're seventeen, it's pretty easy to do.  I seem to remember being 17 once.  She thinks there's a magical place where sex with Lew carries no shame.  Really, really remote corner of the globe somewhere, I have to imagine.  But we have to keep in mind that Mia's grown up without a mother, or a father, for the most part, and probably has less idea than even most 17-year-olds about the potential love presents, besides sex and fun.  With little to no parental guidance, what is love at 17, if not sex? 

 

I realize not every teenager in the world is clueless to the difference between love and sex and that one does not necessarily necessitate the other.  But someone with Mia's support-starved upbringing, losing her mother, all the weird people and atmospherics she's been brought up around, it's really no wonder that sex is everything to her; love, hate, reward, artillery.  My impulse is to think, 'c'mon.  she can't be serious, can she?  She thinks she loves Lew and he loves her?  Really?' 

 

If she wasn't so wily and manipulative and smart, I'd say yes, she's gone totally stupid in love with Lew and thinks this is her destiny!  :dramatic music swells!:  More likely, she's just using Lew like another step in her ladder to success and the center of attention.  Lew's just another Hank, another notch in her bedpost, another victory for the beguiling feminine wiles she possesses.  Lew's not capable of love for anyone but Janie and really didn't know how to handle even that.  Sound like anyone you know?

 

Before this ep was over, I was convinced the entire thing was set up to show us how alike these four people really are; Lew and Hank and Janie and Karen.  They've lived basically parallel lives, and now they've come apart and come together in a different configuration; ex-swapping, where they're all merely getting the same product in a different body. And the new pairings will probably work out just as well as the last set up.  Not at all. 

 

But what I'd like to see happen is to have them all realize who they really love and want to be with, because they're having an 'I'm so obviously attracted to the type in the first place, so isn't that where I really belong?' kind of epiphany to come out of the diversion.  Dealing with someone just like their ex on a personal level will lead to an awareness of where they really should be, who they really should be with. 

 

Somehow, I think it'll be Lew and Janie getting back together in the end, but Hank and Karen?  Have my doubts.  Bums me out to even think it, but I have my doubts they'll be fairy tale together happy, by ep 24.  But heck, it bums me out when I realize there are only four more episodes!  Say it ain't so!  Doesn't take much to bum me out these days, anyway, but it's kind of dumb to be sad about how it ends before I actually see it, right?  Somebody pinch me and remind me it's just a TV show, would ya?

 

But okay, it was a funny opening scene.  Hank cracking Lew up cracked me up.  Howling over, Hank dishes out onto Mia all the cruelty Mia dumps on Hank every chance she gets, makes fun of her song.  He tells her he can believe she wrote it and suggests she never write anything again, and she spits back that the opinion of someone whose cultural relevance went out with Hammer pants isn't interesting to her.  She means Hank, that loser whose book she stole that's making her rich and famous instead of the guy who wrote it, the guy whose renewed cultural relevance she ROBBED him of.  I wanted to punch her again. 

 

But Hank insists Hammer pants let a guy move, and he grabs his crotch and moves to demonstrate the possibilities.  I couldn't help but snicker at him.  Besides, he looked completely HOT in that scene.  Pardon me, but I couldn't stop staring at his magnificence and when he did the little dance...

 

But Mia wants to know what Lew thinks, and Lew says it's like Janis and Alanis had a baby :blink: which was actually pretty clever, because it says nothing about whether the song was good or not, just what it brought to mind, a weird combination of two singers.  Bet he says that to all the young wannabes.  But gosh, Mia looks happy.  Then Hank has to turn this Alanis-Janis birthing into a dumpster baby, but Mia ignores Hank, tells Lew she'll be thinking about that all day, tells him he can think about this all day, meaning a big, sloppy kiss she gives Lew.  Then she gives Hank an emphatic double flip-off and tells him that's his Mia thought for the day.  He laughs it off, and Mia leaves the room in a prissy huff.

 

Lew fesses up that he can't take anymore power ballads, but doesn't want to break Mia's heart, and asks Hank for help.  He tells Lew to extricate himself immediately.  Lew starts whining about why he likes Mia, and of course, it's all in reference to sex, and Hank looks really disgusted, gestures at Lew to stop it before he barfs up whatever it is he's eating out of the little cup for the whole scene.  Mia fucks like she knows things, been places, Lew says.  Hello? 

 

Sounds made up to me, like most excuses.  Mix ego and liquor and drugs and voila.  She's 17, Lew, not exactly a woman of worldly experience.  I guess she may be more sexually mature than some of the chicks he ends up with, but she's still underage and if she told Hank the truth, she can't be that learned in just the few months since she gave up virginity to blackmail Hank.  He's making that up with a nice blend of alcohol and blow and ego is my guess.  Wonder if she ever punched him.  Maybe that made her seem knowing. 

 

Lew asks Hank how his interview with Janie went last night.  It came and went, Hank says, and I'm encouraged that he actually didn't have sex with her!  He may have, but I didn't get that vibe at all.  Lew wants to know if Janie misses Him, and I mean, she has to miss him in the sack, if nothing else, right?  Hank tells Lew he'll know more after he sees her later for more in-depth discussion.  Lew looks nervous.  What?!  Hank's seeing Janie again?!  Yup.  Right after he *douches* his ears.  Lew tells Hank to enjoy it, but warns Hank that if he touches Janie, he'll cut Hank's cheeks with a straight razor.  He better not.  Hank laughs, but Lew makes a 'pht, pht' cutting sound and Hank realizes he's serious.  I see some good wheels turning in Hank's head behind those lovely eyes of his.

 

Time for the opening credits!  :sticks fingers in ears:  ;-P

 

Hank's at Janie's swanky home.  Janie's in a bikini and lounging in her gorgeous swimming pool.  Hank's standing on a row of little piers across the pool water.  Looks like a cool divider thing between the shallow and deep ends of the pool.  Hank's fully clothed (for now) in jeans and black T-shirt, sneakers and sunglasses, his notebook in one hand, a glass of scotch in the other.  The dialogue starts with Janie telling Hank, "That is bullshit," that Lew was just being dramatic, that she doesn't believe she means that much to Lew as Lew would have Hank believe.  Hank begs to differ, says Janie is the one who got away to Lew.  She corrects him to 'ran away screaming' being more like what happened.     

 

Hank wants to know what Lew was like way back when Janie was still with him.  Janie says he was lot the same as he is now; a lost boy, sweet, well-intentioned, loves the ladies a little too much.  Sound like anyone you know, part two?  What makes him so good at what he does, record producing, Hank wants to know.  Janie said Lew can hear things in a song most people can't.  He really listens. 

 

Hank asks what the final straw was, and Janie tells Hank it's none of his business.  Hank won't leave it alone though and imparts a lovely story about how Janie's still the center of Lew's universe, and he'd chuck it all for another chance with Janie.  Lew's heart belongs to Janie, still, Hank believes.  Janie looks touched but trying not to let it show.  She claims that right in the middle of living her happily ever after with Lew, she walked in on him writing a song with a Sheryl Crow wannabe, and freaked.  To her, it seemed more intimate than fucking.  Lew had told her he had to fall in love with everyone he worked with, I assume to love the music and the person making it to make it work, but Janie apparently got to a point where she just got sick of sharing him with others, and high-tailed it outta there.  She asks Hank if it makes her superficial, and he answers no, just makes her human. 

 

Hank finally asks 'out of (Lew's) curiosity' if Janie misses Lew and Janie says sure, she misses him in the way one might miss a bad case of the crabs, providing you got them from Robert Plant or Jesus or somebody.  She offers her hand to Hank, for helping her out of the pool.  Hank takes her hand to pull her up on the little island with him, while he says the most blasphemous, scandalous thing he could possibly say about Jesus, claiming there's a little unknown fact about Jesus in that was also famous for his VD and made the ladies itch all the way from Galilee to Nazareth.  Ouch.  Yeah, it was funny, to ME, but I winced while I laughed anyway.  So Hank of him, I must say.

 

Janie comments that Hank's just like him, meaning Lew, but naturally Hank pretends she means Jesus and says he gets that all the time.  I bet.  Janie wants to see if he can walk on water like Jesus, so she pushes him in the pool.  Don't ask me, but the way he tossed up the notebook and Janie caught it was the coolest thing I ever saw.  I have to wonder how many takes that took. 

 

I'd have to say several, but only because I noticed that every time we cut to Hank in the pool, his wet hair looks different.  It must've fallen a different way every time he went under and came back up, because it was laying different in every shot with every snippet of Hank dialogue from the pool, which is also kind of odd.  The way the scene plays, his head only goes under once, so there's no other way to explain the changing wet hairstyle than multiple going under water incidents.  Yes, I'm nitpicking, but I pay more attention to Hank hair than I should and I notice these things.  One time he's got 'bangs', the next it's parted down the middle, then it's in bangs again, it's mostly parted on the right, with most of it back off his forehead, almost a slicked back look, then it's hard to tell, but by the time he gets to the bathhouse, it looks like it's parted down the middle again.  It was a virtual parade of Hank Wet!Hairstyles, wee!  A fashion show I can appreciate. 

 

But the first thing Hank-in-bangs asks Janie is if she's a child, she responds by asking if he's a grown up.  Go, girl.  He complains she just ruined a perfectly good glass of scotch.  Then he demands she get back in the pool for some synchronized swimming, and makes a silly face and gesture that's supposed to be his idea of synch swimming, I guess.  Makes me laugh, whatever it is.  Janie declines and says she feels like she already said way too much, and sort of compliments Hank on his ability to make a woman sing like a canary.  Not in those words, no.  But she wants to know how Hank a managed to get her to say a lot more than she should have, and he claims, "It's what I do," a running theme with Hank.  He has a lot of those things he does.

 

We hear the "balls and chain" calling to Janie in a grumpy voice off-screen.  Janie looks nervous, claims 'this doesn't look good' and insists Hank get out of the pool immediately.  She drags him into the bathhouse, deliciously dripping wet, and tells him to stay put, she'll be right back.  I couldn't say why, but that shot of Wet!Hank from the back is one the most beautiful things I ever saw.  Thanks, Danny. 

 

It disappears way too soon, though, so we can join the Runkles saying good-bye for a while.  Marcy's in a cab, headed for the airport and her troll mother's retirement community in Tucson, is what I got out of the conversation.  Charlie tells the cab driver he'll triple his fare if he'll make sure Marcy makes it to security, and Marcy complains that she's a big girl and can get on a plane by herself.  Charlie can't trust her, and shouldn't have, but she apologizes that her dirty little whore of a nose let him down, but she's going to her mother's to get better, so Charlie shouldn't worry. 

 

Charlie's worried anyway and makes her get out of the cab, tells her he should drive her to her mother's, but no!  He has a meeting and needs to stay and take care of himself and Daisy, Marcy tells him, and I smelled runaway drug addict all over that one.  Why Charlie didn't, I'll never know, unless, as I suspect, he was thinking with his dick instead of his heart.  Typical for the men on this show, I'd say.  Charlie tells Marcy, as she gets back in the cab, that they (meaning he and Daisy) won't have any fun while she's gone.  Yeah, right. 

 

Marcy makes some snarky remarks about old people, waxes poetic about shuffleboard sticks and sucking old dicks, classic Marcy, as the cab drives away.  I'm going to miss Marcy, and hate having all her usual spots filled with Charlie and Daisy, so I hope they find a way to get Marcy some screen time frequently; phone calls, anything would be better than C & D growing their relationship.  Bleh.  And boo!       

 

We next find ourselves rising up out of Janie's pool to feast our eyes on a partially dry, Shirtless!Hank.  He's yanking off his wet T-shirt when we first catch site of him, and it just keeps getting better from there.  He reaches for his apparently waterproof phone out of his wet back pocket and Calls Karen, identifying himself as her knight in shining armor, her lord, her pasha, or whatever Mandarin for dream lover is.  Karen says she thinks it's the opposite of whatever the word for mouth rapist is, and I rolled my eyes, more than Hank did.  Please.  The way she repeatedly brings up the LEAST of all Hank's indiscretions really annoys me. 

 

Hank regretfully tells Karen he won't be able to pick Becca up from school, and she assumes it's because he's lucked into a horny female he needs to accommodate, which turns out to be true later, but at the time, that's incorrect and Hank claims he has a great excuse he'll tell her about later.  She can't wait and says so sarcastically.  He tells her he needs to see a man about a horse (I was born in the year of the horse, so I hope he means me  :whinnies:), something that comes back to bite him later, you'll please note, and ends their phone connection. 

 

He needs to pee, and he's looking around for the banos, but there isn't one, he discovers.  So he whups it out and pees in the tiny little sink.  Janie's maid, Rosario, walks in, unaware of Hank and lights a cigarette.  Hank sees her in the mirror and makes an 'ah' kind of sound, alerting her to his presence.  She looks freaked out, natch.  Hank automatically assumes she doesn't speak English and tries to tell her why he's peeing in the sinkos.  No banos.    

 

We're at the Mayflower School and Becca's looking for Hank's car.  She spots Karen's instead, and looks happy to see mom.  She gets in the car and comments on the lack of a father-type figure and Karen tells Becca her dad will probably be there Saturday or Sunday to pick her up.  Becca doesn't see the humor and says she doesn't want to hear anything bad about Hank.  Karen reluctantly concedes, but spots Mia and sounds all excited.  Becca tells Karen not to get her hopes up, Mia has plans.  Karen looks all impish and asks if they're older boyfriend plans, like it's such a cool thing.  But then she sees Mia get into Lew's silver Rolls, and does a 180 to totally indignant.  Her jaw drops.  So I guess older boyfriends are cool, as long as it's someone she approves of.  She can seem like such a pea-brain sometimes.  

 

Hank's taking a hit off a joint, telling Rosario he doesn't partake as often as she probably thinks, says his old lady, when he had one, didn't approve, even though she partook herself sometimes, asks where Rosario stands on the issue, but before she can respond, he misinterprets the silence as a language barrier, and launches into a hilarious attempt to talk to Rosario in Spanglish.  He asks Rosario if Janie is a good boss, does she seem contented, and Rosario remains silent.  I think next, he tries conveying to her that Karen's a hypocrite, a 'stick up asso', that it's okay for her to smoke pot, but not him, and says something about her cutting off his large balls, the best I could make of it with a Google translator.  I'm still waiting for someone more enlightened to translate the gist of what Hank was trying to get across, but I think he was mostly complaining about Karen as a hypocrite. 

 

Rosario finally laughs, Hanks tells her she's beautiful when she smiles and he wishes she could speak English because he has a lot to discuss about accidental cunnilingus.  Rosario finally speaks, asking why wouldn't she speak English and Hank's a little taken aback that she let him spill his guts before she spoke up ...in English.  She claims she was enjoying his Spanglish too much to stop him.

 

We hear grumpy balls and chain calling for Rosario, this time.  She freaks and makes Hank hide so Ron won't see him.  Ron's a sleaze.  He tells Rosario he thinks it's the perfect time for one their performance reviews, while he suggestively strokes the neckline of her uniform.  She suggests maybe later, when she's done with her work.  Ron insists sex with him is part of her work and kisses her.  Yack.  She doesn't react the way Ron wants her to, and he gets disgusted and stomps away.  We cut to Hank saying, "Dios mio," in an adorable way and Rosario closing up the opening in the 'curtain' thingies that form the bathhouse that Ron made when entering.

 

Charlie and Daisy are at their meeting with the INTense lady, a purveyor of porn, I have to assume.  Her company loves Daisy, she's so funny, and they think she has what it takes to be an INTense girl.  Golly, whatever that is.  Charlie does the agent thing, wanting to know why Daisy should be happy as one, and Ms. Porn says the exposure will give Daisy all kinds of opportunities to make money and be the face that will launch thousands of rubber vaginas.  Yay, I guess.  Daisy thinks so. 

 

But then Ms. Porn throws in that Daisy needs MUCH bigger boobs of badness to be an INTense girl, at least double-D, and Charlie objects.  Daisy looks typically unsure of herself or her decision, but Charlie ends by telling Ms. Porn that he or Daisy aren't paying for 'fun bags', but they'll do it, if the company will pay.  One of those meh scenes I'll likely fast forward through in the future.  I'm still not fond of Daisy or Charlie's involvement with her, but ...okay.

 

We see Hank lounging in the bathhouse, Rosario sitting at his feet, still puffing on tobacco of some kind, and Hank tells her he's all for a little affair of the heart (:sonido zumbador:, hipócrita!), but questions Rosario's choice of Ron, says she can do better.  She claims it wasn't always too bad and that she fell for him first.  He was going to leave Janie for her and pay for her whole family to go to college, and I'm assuming it all turned out to be bullshit.  Gasp.  She looks a little nauseous recalling the things Ron said to her in Spanish, and Hank tells her in Spanish that he doesn't like what she's saying. 

 

She tells Hank to give her his jeans, and he says they're drying, he doesn't want her to do a whole load of dark just for him.  But she tells papi not to worry as she climbs up over him, explaining she wants to see him out of them.  Don't blame her a bit.  She kisses Hank and he accepts, of course, but he sits up, Rosario climbs into his lap, and he tells her this is so wrong on so many levels, but she's not going to hear any objections.  Not taking no for an answer and again, I'm not sure I would either.  He asks if he can at least 'mop up' when they're done, she *really* likes the sound of that, and Hank flashes her a killer smile, just before she resumes trying to crawl down his throat.

 

That is, until his phone starts vibrating loudly, and Hank finds it necessarily to inform her it's his phone and not Bob, I guess.  He pulls out the phone and answers.  It's Karen.  Mia's dating Lew Ashby!  Hank gasps and lies that he's as surprised as Karen is.  Karen finally reveals that she and Hank are supposed to be taking care of Mia, not letting her cut class to sit in the laps of old men!  :buzzer sound:  Hank quickly reminds her she's the one who condoned it and made dating older men attractive to Mia, calling it a valid life experience. 

 

Oh yeah.  But she didn't mean it that way!  Er ...what way did she mean it?  College professors only?  Didn't Mia try that one last year and didn't Karen ream that guy out, too?  She verbally slashed that scumbag teacher of Mia's last season for taking advantage of Mia.  Just who is this magnificent older boyfriend for Mia that makes Karen's eyes twinkle?

 

Hank feels he's owed an apology, but as usual, Karen makes it all Hank's fault.  He brought Lew into their lives, so it's up to him to fix it.  He tells Karen he tried to stop it, but he has insider info that the relationship's not long for this world, and Karen can just relax.  I'm not sure what Karen was about to say, but she starts out with 'wait a minute.  Hank,' and Hank wants to know why she's saying Hank that way. 

 

She wants to know why he's suddenly concerned how she says Hank and he wants to know why she's jumping all over him for wondering.  She claims he's paranoid, asks if he's stoned, but before he can answer, silly Rosario asks him if it's his old lady (?) and Hank tries to shut her up, but it's too late.  Karen hears the lusty female voice, assumes her assumptions about Hank missing his chance to pick up Becca at school were correct, tells Hank 'fuck you' and hangs up the phone.  Doesn't take two seconds for the lovebirds to resume kissing.  I wasn't pleased with Hank, myself.  Maybe I'll rail on him more later, but the dip in the maid became more of a letdown as the episode progressed.    

   

We're back with meh couple Charlie and Daisy.  They're in a restaurant discussing Daisy's agreement to get breast implants.  Charlie thinks it's wrong, the real stars don't hide behind silicone, and anyone who does needs big boobs to distract people from the rest of them.  Daisy argues it's business, everything in her career has been leading up to this, and she really wants her face on thousands of rubber vagina packages.  Charlie maintains it'll destroy her sweet Daisy-ness, and she thinks that's sweet and give Charlie a big kiss for saying so.

 

Uh-oh.  Karen's at Lew's.  She storms into Lew's bedroom, and instead of finding him playing bondage games with Mia (and we saw Mia getting in Lew's Rolls earlier that day, so where was she?), she finds him passed out, an open liquor bottle between his legs and a cigarette butt in his mouth.  Lovely.  She barks at him, flicks the cig out of his mouth, and when he finally comes to, she tells him he's an asshole.  He's like, 'but we’ve never dated,' and Karen says that's because she's too old for a guy who dates children.  Lew gets it.  She's there to bitch at him about Mia.  He tells her he thought Mia was 19 when he first met her.  Karen's not impressed, tells him he's disgusting and storms out of the room.

 

He goes after her, catches her in the hall and grabs her arm, but she jerks away from him and tells him about her career designing houses and how most people who live in big behemoths like Lew's place are hiding something.  All Lew has to do is look in the mirror for a second and he'd know why no one except teenagers will have anything to do with him.  He's pathetic, she tells him and stomps off down the stairs.  But oops, she takes a tumble down them instead.  Looks really bad.  Lew thinks so, too, and uses an expletive before rushing to tend to his injured guest.

 

We see Rosario's pink bra, as she zips up her uniform over it.  I guess Hank's mopped up and it's time to get the Hell out of Dodge.  He asks Rosario if she thinks they'll get out of here by sunset, and she says the coast is clear and they start for the exit. 

 

And yeah, this bothered me, the whole scene.  Hank passes the open kitchen door and sees Ron (Mr. Jones) at the refrigerator, and suddenly decides it's time for one of those hollow but chivalrous speeches of his, pulls away from Rosario and storms into the kitchen to confront Ron about his treatment of Rosario.  Hank hasn't mistreated her at all, oh no!  He tells Ron he has no problem with a little banging, that he's not one to judge, thank you, but Ron's power over Rosario is all Karl Marx-y and everything, and Hank insists Ron let Rosario out of her sex slave role, and without losing her job, or Hank will tell Janie he's been cheating on her with Rosario. 

 

Sigh.  Did it ever occur to Hank that her employers might not appreciate her taking time off work to have sex with a guest on the property, when she's supposed to be cleaning house or having sex with her employer?  What's the difference in Ron requiring sex and Hank falling into it willingly, when he knew that was wrong, too?  She's either screwing around when she's supposed to be working or she's screwing around as part of her job, but screwing during her working hours for the fun of it is not part of her job description, I would imagine, and could've been immediate grounds for dismissal, yet Hank didn't even consider that, until after he'd taken a dip in the maid. 

 

It's that same ignorant pattern of impulsiveness, then regret and hypocritical chivalry to cover his own ass.  He even said himself he knew what he and Rosario were doing was wrong and in a lot of ways, but he went ahead and did it, and then, instead of getting the heck off the property before her employers found out about her fooling around with Hank, Hank makes a point of letting her employers know what they've been doing, while Rosario was supposed to be working, and chastising her employer for mistreating her for doing the same thing with her, just to make matters worse!  Cripes!  As much as I love Hank for his concern and altruism :cough:, he came out looking like he just couldn't leave the property until he'd bragged about how much better a lover he is than Ron, just to piss Ron off.  The repentance chivalry that always leads to boasting is beginning to wear on me.     

 

But enough pissing and moaning.  It's Hank, and I oughta know that by now, eh?  Okay, so Ron's like 'what?! What the Hell are you talking about?!' and tells Hank to fuck off, sort of, but then the fuck you's start to fly, even Rosario getting in on the act.  Hank assures Ron he thinks Rosario got Ron out of her system, bragging on his Magic O Elixir again, claiming Rosario used both Spanish and English to get Ron out of her system, even a possible Spanglish release, which Hank claims is an underrated movie, by the way.  Janie comes in about that time, wanting to know what's going on in her kitchen.

 

Hank's headed for the gate, Janie asking him if he really fucked her maid?!  Hank pretends he doesn't speak English, and hits the gate, only to find it locked.  He's trapped.  Then he gets all remorseful after the fact again, explaining that he figures Rosario needs her job and hopes Janie won't fire her for fooling around with Hank on the job.  What timing.  Not.  Why not think of it before you put the maid's job in jeopardy?  Feh. 

 

Anyway, Janie assures Hank that she loves the way Rosario keeps house, and as long as her work doesn't suffer, Rosario can fuck Ron all she wants.  Hank's surprised she knows, pegs her as a real neat freak, due to her attitude about it, but Janie claims she knows all about Ron and Rosario, but isn't sure she cares.  Hank isn't so sure she means that.  But then he asks if they can continue the interview, without all the extracurriculars, the dip in the pool and the dip in the maid, and she denies him.  Shoves him out the gate and tells him if he wants to talk to her again, he'll have to ask her out.  Hank stands a little stunned, peering at her through the locked gate as she heads back to the house.   

  

Oh bummer.  Daisy and Charlie are getting ready to get after it.  Charlie stops Daisy to get out his numbing cream and extra-thick condoms, and Daisy claims to have some kind of yonic pretzel/negative kegel thing she knows how to do to keep Charlie going and going and going, and looks like they're going and going and going to do it.  I suppose it was endearing in its own way, but I find it a little disturbing, this relationship between them, and it wasn't as funny as it was meant to be, I suppose. 

 

Karen's got a big bandage on her right arm.  Lew's got a big first-aid kit on the stairs, and he's tending to her bloodied, wounded arm.  He offers her a joint (which she takes, and seems to enjoy the anesthetic), and more excuses why he dates 17-year-olds.  Women Karen's age won't have anything to do with him, and she confirms that for him.  Lew asks for forgiveness, Karen balks and Lew just almost spills the beans about Hank and Mia, for his own ulterior motive, and I loved the way he seemed to realize the damage he could do, and actually stopped himself. 

 

I really don't know if it was how much he seems to like having Hank for a friend, or maybe merely a better way to wield the info to his advantage occurred to him, but I'm glad he didn't tell Karen.  I went from wanting to hit him to wanting to kiss him, when I saw the mechanism of better judgment take over his face.  It was like something really unfamiliar to him, sparing someone his brute force honesty to protect his friend, is what I'd like to think. 

 

But then, under the guise of tending to a spot he missed on her arm, he uses their closeness to kiss Karen, and she lets him back her into an near-prone position, at first, but then she flips out and backs him off.  He apologizes, says he thought he saw a green light, she says no, he didn't.  She plunks the joint into a liquor bottle, looks like, says she has to go, grabs her purse and does just that, accusing Lew of insanity.  He tells Karen to 'call me!' as the door slams behind her. 

 

Charlie and Daisy are still at it.  Charlie thinks he's king of fuck mountain and Daisy is queen and he's ready to do this for days.  I'm, however, not prepared to watch it for days.  Good thing Daisy's sore and suggests Charlie get it over with.  He's revving up to do that when the phone rings, and Daisy begs him not to answer.  She's chafing!  I'm more hopeful the scene will be over any minute!  We hear Marcy's troll mother asking where the Hell Marcy is of Charlie, claiming she hasn't been able to contact Marcy and that Marcy had manners before she married Charlie.  Click.  Charlie curses, instead of coming. 

 

Hank appears as a vision of loveliness in an actual blue shirt!  It's the Return of the Blue Shirt, ladies!  Yippee!  Anyway, he looks fabulous, and he's at Karen's.  He has a huge bag of sushi under his arm.  He runs into Becca on her way out first and tries to convince her stay and play Guitar Hero and have sushi, the kind with paper boats like she loves, but she's meeting Damien and she's outta there, daddy-o.  Hank curses Harry Chapin for writing 'Cat's in the Cradle' because it's so prophetic.  Karen piles on by reminding Hank it's not Becca's loss, it's his.  He had his chance and now he doesn't, referring to Hank blowing off picking up Becca at school earlier. 

 

He offers Karen sushi and she rejects the offer to go meet Sonja and Hank's best friend, the bearded bozo, Julian.  She also rejects the sushi-to-go Hank tries to give her, but suggests he can stay and have his sushi, if he prefers.  Just lock up when he leaves.  Hank wistfully recalls this used to be his home.  Karen finds it necessary to add that she used to be his girl, but now she's not. 

 

She's ready to leave on that sour note, but Hank brings up the Mia thing, and says he'll take care of it.  Karen tells him she took care of it, so forget she mentioned it.  Hank asks her how she did it, calls Lew some bad names, but then Karen feels compelled to mention that maybe that's all true, but he's still a good kisser.  Hank's all 'what?!' and Karen insists Hank heard what she said, then sticks a big old spoonful of Hank's words in his mouth with a, 'I have to go see a man about a horse,' and prisses out the front door, leaving Hank all alone with his 20 pounds of sushi and nowhere to go but down.  He stands looking around the house like he has no idea where he is or what he's doing there or how he ended up in this house alone again, but here he is.  End of episode.  

 

Yeah, he did it to himself, but why, oh why is he breaking my heart, anyway?!  Shouldn't I be totally pissed at him, like I was a few paragraphs ago?  Why am I on the verge of weeping, why do I wish I could waltz in the front door and eat sushi with Hank, so he doesn't have to do it alone?  Is that a legitimate question?  Why *wouldn't* I want to waltz in the front door and eat sushi with Hank, would be a better question, but still?  Doesn't he just break your heart, bring out that urge to comfort in you? 

 

But damn him, he did in this ep exactly what Becca pleaded with him not to do, he took another drink, he cracked jokes and he looked at his day as one big stupid party, until it all came home to roost.  His daughter and the woman he loves have learned to accept Hank's unavailability and they're learning to enjoy being away from him, too.  They'd rather be hanging with Damien and Sonja and Julian than Hank, the same way Hank seemingly wanted to be with Janie and Rosario more than them.  That's how it looks to them, but even if they're wrong, it couldn't be helped, Hank is not blameless in his aloneness.  All the tables got turned on Hank and karma came for a visit.  The end was all about payback for the day's indiscretions.  It cost him in the swiftest and most brutal way possible, and it hurt me to watch, in spite of everything I know about his own contribution.   

 

So we had Lew left all alone in his big behemoth and Hank left all alone in his tiny one.  Janie blew Hank off for being a putz, Karen blew Lew off for being a putz.  And around and around and around we go and where we stop, only the producers and actors and people who get advanced disks know.  Me, I have no idea where any of this is going, but why do I have a feeling it's a general downhill direction?  Maybe it's that sinking feeling the last scene left in my gut, my heart sinking, just like Hank's was.  But you know me, I figure you can get to a point where you've no place to go but up, kinda like the stock market these days, and my hope is Hank's found his low point and it's finally time to "rise.  And shine."* 

 

"You bring your light, and shine like morning."**  That's my advice. 

 

Next week, peeps.  Thanks for reading.   

 

 

 

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* - credit to Tom Petty

 

** - credit to Sade